i am having a week from hell. my bipolar has me sleeping for 2 hours at night. it doesnt feel like bipolar or psychosis. i can seriously say that it feels like my family is falling apart. i left the kids father 15 years ago. i left to break the cycle of violence. the way i feel today, its a cycle bigger than me, smarter that me. like Godzilla big, smart with a very low IQ.if there is unrest in my home it always revolves around jesse. he lived with mark and i and he felt the trauma as much as me. so did kobe. he was just a baby. he had PTSD from experiencing beatings and shouted at and kobe felt all of that, he was born raging with anger and it has taken a lot to get him to a happy life. jesse on the other hand, a lot more work.i dont feel comfortable with anymore disclosure about my kids.
my mind is still out to lunch. i can be looking at something and i want to, but say its a broom, i can stare at it to try to fined the name in my head, but it doesnt work.the whole situation is really worrying for me. the kids see me struggling and they jump into
action, but the thing is that when i am feeling a mental illness or a brain injury, usually i want to do what i can for yourself. i know my kids mean well but they do take over sometimes. its very frustrating. my doctor said he thinks some of these mental problems could be due to the drugs he prescribes me to treat my illnesses.. anyway i dont really feel too good this morning. every time i do something i put a hold on my feelings and the kids jump on top of the situation. its a fine line we cross. i want to have help when i need it and i want to have support from other people with disabilities and or mentally illness. when i first became bipolar i was still ok. i think the antypsychotics have brought me undone. if i had my time over i would never convert,
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