when's it ever gonna end?

i suppose my kids have had enough of me being ill. i don't think they think i am unwell. something changed during the last 36 hours and i don't know what it is. i am so tired and hurt. i have an appointment with my case worker today and on one hand i could tell her whats going on in the hope that she can help us or on the other hand she could blame my mental illnesses and have me involuntarily put in the psyche wind and kobe would go to foster care and i don't know what would happen to jesse. i must be sick coz to be brutally honest, i really don't care, i want to get well. i don't want to be called an arsehole, bitch, cunt, idiot, stupid. i really feel like telling my case worker and maybe she has access to residence for recovery for me and foster care for a couple of weeks for kobe, that would teach him a lesson in life, and right now  have no feeling for jesse. yesterday he brought my wheel chair, i am wheelchair bound now, and he stood there and had an arguement with me and then he walked away with my wheelchair, i needed it to get to the toilet.he left the chair right down the other end of the house where there is no way i could have got it. so i waited about 2 or 3 for kobe to come home.he did come home but rather than come and hugging me and talking about his day . he walked straight into jesse's room and there were words exchanged and then they were friends again. it really hurts, i just wanna take some pills and go to bed. nothing ever changes, violent, loud and a house full of egotistical, then i went on to mark, my partner for 8 years. i cant begin to talk about him right now. and now i have 2 sons and i feel like i am an uninvited, schoolyard joke and all can do is either use my forked tongue back at them, stay out of the way and cry silent heavy tears like i used to do with mark. i don't know which was to go. wish i had a crystal ball. one thing they both said to me is that i am a shit mother. they didn't say it actually , they yelled it my face. i am gonna go now coz i am sure there will be repercussions for me because of this post.

jo