Delivering joy and hope

i lived with a man for 8 years who was abusive in every way. i left him carrying 2 children and a bag of clothes. i then found abusive man number 2. he stalked me and constantly criticized me. i escaped from his game like i escaped from marks fist. during the stalking with number 2 man i became catatonic. its not new to me to be catatonic. when i was a young teenager i completly stopped talking to my dad as it was his friends who frightened me and touched me. i froze, my dad was drunk as usual and if i opened my mouth to say what happened , there would be no shortage of angry, beer swilling men to to get stuck into him for having a trouble making daughter. while they molested me they laughed at me and my dad. it hurt the most that they laughed at my dad and all i could think to do was shut my mouth. i didn't come out of my room, i layed in bed suffering stomach pains and flashbacks. after some months my eldest brother decided to take things into his own hand and he began hitting me. it amazes me that people think violence will draw out truth. kids exposed to violence usually have a well inside their bodies that is there to play a part in staying safe. i relied on this catatonic state to get rid of abusive man number 2. i sat at the kitchen table with a radio and listened to music to try to connect with something. i don't know when i stopped sitting at the table but i know i put on lots of weight. i remember driving to my therapists house and stopping on the way to buy some food, any food and i ate and could feel the food travelling down to where i keep my anger and the food suppressed the words of rage and sadness i wasn't ready to talk about yet. 
any way , i judt watched a yutube video aout one womans journey back to health after a chronic illness. the exsersizes theat she had to do are the same i have to do. i am trying, my legs are so weak, i dont have bad upper body strength so thats a bonus. i am gonna put one of the kids in the wheelchair and push the up and down the hallway so i have support with their weight keeping me stable.

i think its time to start being a grown up and stop living in the past. i want to know who grown up jo is and what she can do. with ever left of the dumbell i will reward myself with the prostect of freedon and victory, and the pursuit of happiness.

here is the video that has inspired me.http://www.littlethings.com/holly-gerlach-journey-v2/?utm_source=SOCH&utm_medium=Facebook&utm_campaign=inspiring